to start trying again.
Not that I ever stopped.
But my effort has taken a nose dive.

I've noticed this weekend while I did homework, that when I put effort and my mind to it I can get things done. It's just depression makes effort extremely hard. I don't know if I was able to give so much effort because I've had such a busy week so I lacked the time to get to into myself or if it was me doing what I love all week that helped push the depression to the back of my agenda, but either way this week was much better.

I'm still worried about the rift I created between J and me but that's an issue for another time I suppose. I don't want to bother them right now. It's not my time, I know I need to do what I preach and talk to them but it's hard when I'm not even sure where I stand. It's been 10 days since I last snapchat'd them and the few texts I've tried to send are stilted and uncomfortable.

I know why this bothers me so much yet I still like to sit here and wonder why I've used up so much energy thinking about this.

On another note, C tried calling me to make sure I'm not dead since I haven't texted or snapchat'd them. I'm still upset about the whole boyfriend bullshit but I've beaten that conversation like a dead horse so there's no point trying to live by my philosophy of communication when it's all one sided. I might try and see if they'd want to come over and watch movies and do puzzles with me like we use to. It's worth a shot but I won't hold my breath.

Alright, well I left this up for another hour just to see if I had anything else to empty out and obviously there's nothing. I mean I'm sure there's something but I think that's enough of my wank baby piss talk. But whatever. It's cool. I'm cool. I'm okay. Yeah. One day.

May all the Ghouls come out to play in this Hallow's Eve,
B.